Light and Shadow
It’s been a while since I’ve felt inspired to share something from the heart. But as I write this, I feel called to be open and vulnerable. Right now, I’m in the midst of a metamorphosis, feeling both the discomfort of growth and the quiet trust that I have wings ready to soar.
I'm in a season of transformation, realigning where my energy flows and redefining how I spend my days. Each shift brings a cascade of emotions—some dark, some light, and everything in between. With my mother’s recent health decline, a separation from my partner of over five years, economic pressure and the simultaneous expansion of my business, I find myself moving through a range of feelings—sadness, grief, loss, anger, and overwhelm, alongside anticipation and excitement for what’s emerging anew. It’s a time of letting go, anchored in a quiet, fierce trust in my own rebirth.
One of my favorite authors, speakers, and inspirational teachers, as many of you already know, is Wayne Dyer. I could spend hours listening to him speak and countless days perusing through his many books. One thing he said that has always stayed close to my heart is, "We are not human beings having a spiritual experience; we are spiritual beings having a human experience."
Even with chaos, stress, sadness, and all the emotions that come and go, the sun still rises and sets with ease. It shines, no matter what, and in its setting, there’s comfort in the dark. Storms and clouds come and go, but above them all, there’s a wide, endless blue sky—a reminder of the peace that’s always there, beyond the changes.
Our shadows—anger, frustration, fear, insecurity, sadness—aren’t something to fear; they’re parts of us to embrace and acknowledge. They shape who we are. By honoring both our light and our dark, we find true balance and strength. We rise and fall, yet stand whole, feeling everything that makes us human, standing in both our light and shadow.
There's a well-known quote by Eckhart Tolle that resonates with the idea of feeling emotions without becoming them. Let it move through you, and release it, so you can return to your natural state of peace and balance ♡
Many of us carry traumas and emotions stored not only in our tissues but deeply embedded within our DNA, passed down through generations. Our bodies and spirits hold layers of ancestral experience.
Recognizing the emotions we carry and those alive within us is essential to healing, growth, and evolution. Awareness of our inner landscape is the first step in releasing and transforming these patterns, creating space for deep healing and a more authentic connection with ourselves.
Suppressing our shadows can intensify their impact. But by acknowledging them without judgment, and allowing ourselves to feel, we begin to understand that sometimes these feelings are natural, valid responses to past hurt or frustration.
What I’ve learned on my journey so far is that growth is ongoing and nonlinear. Recognizing our shadow self is an evolutionary process that surfaces when we’re on the brink of transformation. The “beast that snarls in the darkness” within each of us is an essential part of this journey. We all have shadows to face, and as beings of light, part of our purpose is to uncover and embrace them when the time is right. This willingness to confront our shadows opens the door to genuine growth and expansion.
Acknowledging these shadows, naming them, and actively seeking their roots brings valuable insight into what fuels them.
In my early teens and well into adulthood, I experienced my father’s anger, frustration, impatience and disappointment. His triggers were swift, and his temper erupted often.
Growing up, I was constantly afraid of making mistakes, doing something wrong, or looking bad, and the anger and disappointment that might follow. Over time, this fear became internalized. It took root in my emotional body, leaving me feeling on edge, as if I needed to suppress parts of myself just to avoid conflict. This conditioned response shaped how I navigated my world, influencing my choices and interactions.
For years, I suppressed the fear of 'doing something wrong,' which created a cycle of directing anger and disappointment inward. I punished myself, suffering in ways that built walls around my heart, keeping me disconnected from my true self.
Rather than processing my emotions, I pushed them away. I numbed myself, shamed myself and pretended to be fine even when I was not.
At a young age, I developed an eating disorder that plunged my teenage years and early adulthood into a severe struggle and horror show—a horrific stage in my life marked by shame, guilt, regret, lack of confidence, depression, and self-disgust. One day, I’ll share more on this journey.
Practices like Yoga, Meditation, Breathwork, Plant Medicine, Earthing, Affirmations and my newfound love for Heat and Cold Therapy have been and currently are instrumental in shifting stagnant energy, regulating my nervous system, and releasing tension held within my body. These tools have supported me in confronting and understanding the roots of anger and disappointment, creating space for true healing and growth.
One of my greatest learnings through these healing practices has been self love and forgiveness - of others, of circumstances, and, most importantly, of myself. Each practice has shown me how to release the weight of past pain and embrace compassion as a true path to healing.
Through Breathwork and experiences with plant medicine, I’ve made peace with my Dad, now in Heaven as my sweetest Guardian Angel. Forgiving him has loosened the grip that hurt once held over me, and forgiving myself for directing that anger inward has become a core part of my journey toward growth, self-compassion and self worth.
As I continue on this healing journey, I’m learning to recognize anger and disappointment when it surfaces and understand the triggers that bring it to life. With self-compassion, I allow the feeling to arise as needed, process it, and then let it go. Feeling the feeling is essential, but we don’t have to become the emotion and carry it around like a load of bricks.